The Warriors Movie
by Elisafairy
Summary: There's going to be a Warrior Cats movie, but to ensure they get it right, Firestar forces the clan to try out for the parts!


"YOU GUYS!" Cloudtail burst into the camp, bouncing up and down and panting, about out of breath.

"What?" Firestar, Graystripe and Brambleclaw all said unenthusiastically.

"There's going to be a _(get this)_ WARRIORS MOVIE!" he shouted, way to close to Graystripe's face for comfort.

Graystripe pushed him away with a sigh and said, "They don't tell us anything anymore, do they?"

"Where did you find out about this, Cloudtail?" Firestar asked suspiciously. (He seemed to be eternally suspicious of everything in his old age.)

"Um, nowhere…"

"_Nowhere? Really?_ Are you sure you weren't on the internet again?"

"…"

Firestar rolled his eyes and wiped his face with his paw. "How many times do I have to tell you not to mess with twoleg things? Besides, you can't trust everything you hear on the internet. It's probably just a rumor."

"Yeah," Brambleclaw mumbled. "You should get off the computer and exercise for once anyway."

"I heard that!" Cloudtail hissed, shooting a glare at the Thunderclan deputy. "I'll deal with you later." He then turned to Firestar. "And it's not a rumor! I saw it on the Warriors Official Website!"

"Oh for crying out loud!" Graystripe shouted. "There's a _website_ about us and we didn't even know it?"

"Yeah," Cloudtail said. "You should check it out sometime. The family trees are really, um… fascinating. You might learn something."

Graystripe curled up and began to rock back and forth, paranoia setting in.

The others ignored him and continued their lovely conversation.

"Anyway, you guys," Cloudtail continued, "we have to try out for the parts of ourselves, or they'll get someone else to play us!"

"I wouldn't mind that," Brambleclaw said. "They might even get Zac Efron to play me."

"…"

"_What?_"

"Brambleclaw, why would they get a twoleg to play a cat?" Cloudtail asked. Brambleclaw had no answer to that question, for it was only wishful thinking.

"I hope they get the cat from the Meow Mix commercial to play me," Firestar said.

"Well not me," Cloudtail said. "What if they get some terrible actor to play us and they ruin the movie completely? Besides, this is a chance of a lifetime. We can be movie stars!"

"I guess you're right," Firestar admitted. "I'll announce it to the clan."

He leaped onto the ledge and called the traditional words of a leader calling his loyal warriors to meet: "Hey everyone! Get your butts over here! I got something important to say!"

Grumbling, the loyal warriors trudged over to the high ledge. "What does he want now?" Jayfeather growled.

"Probably something stupid," Lionblaze replied. "Remember the time he interrupted our busy schedules to tell us catnip was 50% off at Petsmart?"

"Oh, yeah. That _was_ stupid." Jayfeather looked away to hide his embarrassment. _He'd_ thought that a very important announcement. Where else could he get catnip at such a low price?

"I have some very important news," Firestar began. "There is going to be a Warriors movie."

Everyone cheered.

"And we are all going to try out for parts to ensure that it is the best movie possible," he finished.

An "awwwwww…" rose from the crowd.

"Do we _have_ to?" someone asked.

"Yes," Firestar said. "Tomorrow we are all going on a clan trip to auditions, so be ready bright and early! That is all."

:::

The next morning…

"How is this morning?" Squirrelflight grumbled, stepping out of the warriors' den.

"Well if you go by twoleg time, 2 am is technically-"

"I don't go by twoleg time!" Squirrelflight interrupted her father. "The sun is not up, therefore it's not morning yet."

"Quit your complaining and get on the van!" Firestar snapped.

Squirrelflight's jaw dropped. "The _what?_" Her eyes opened wide as she noticed for the first time the van parked in the middle of the camp, _Thunderclan Warriors_ painted on the side of it. "This is crazy," Squirrelflight said. "_You're_ crazy." But she did as he said and got on the van with the others, Firestar following.

"Everybody on?" asked Longtail from the driver's seat. "Alrighty, then! Away we go!"

The van started, sped up a ramp leading out of the gorge and zoomed through the forest, knocking down trees and tearing up the undergrowth as the warriors screamed at the top of their lungs.

"OH MY GOSH!" Firestar shouted. "I just remembered that Longtail retired early due to _failing sight_!"

Everyone screamed even louder. This was going to be a long trip.

:::

"Fortunately, the Thunderclan warriors were now on their way to the movie auditions, driving somewhat safely now that Sandstorm had taken over the driving for Longtail. Unfortunately, Leafpool brought along every single one of her 90's boy band CD's and forced everyone to listen to them. Fortunately, the Thunderclan van had a TV screen and DVD player and everyone got to watch _The Goonies_. Unfortunately, Graystripe was hyped up on Mountain Dew and wouldn't stop singing songs from _Wicked_."

"Cloudtail, I'm tired of playing the fortunately-unfortunately game," Brambleclaw said. "Besides, you're supposed to take turns saying things."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Is my singing really that bad?" Graystripe asked.

"Nah, Cloudtail's just jealous 'cause he can't sing." Brambleclaw replied.

Cloudtail stood up. "I've had enough of your abuse, mister! Yesterday you called me fat and now you're saying I can't sing?"

"Yeah, basically." Brambleclaw yawned and examined his claws, bored.

Cloudtail was getting madder and madder, and the clan could tell it. "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" the other cats chanted.

Suddenly there was a frenzy of flying fur and screeching as the two cats fought, _I Want It That Way_ by the Backstreet Boys still blaring from Leafpool's CD player in the background.

"All right, all right! That's enough of that!" Firestar said, breaking the fight up. Cloudtail and Brambleclaw glared at eachother, then moved to seats that were as far away from eachother as possible. "And enough of _that_, too!" Firestar added, pointing at his daughter's CD's. "From now on, we're listening to my music because I'm the leader!" He popped _Tears for Fears_ into the van's CD player, and the whole clan sighed.

"I remember when you made us listen to that over and over on our last clan trip," Lionblaze complained.

Firestar ignored him, and the clan continued to make their way to rehearsals to the sound of Tears for Fear's greatest hits: _We will find you acting on your best behavior, turn your back on Mother Nature, everybody wants to rule the world!_

"Turn the van around! I left my stick! We have to go back and get it!"

"No, Jayfeather! We are not turning this van around, not even to get your stick!"

:::

They were finally at auditions, where dozens of cats were waiting with their twolegs to try out for the live-action Warriors movie. "Ugh," Jayfeather said, wrinkling his nose in disgust. "They're all kittypets."

"See?" Cloudtail said. "This is why we _had_ to come audition: so no kittypet would get our parts and ruin everything."

They waited for almost two hours before it was finally their turns to audition. First up was Firestar, who walked out onto the stage, trying to look as much in character as possible, which wasn't difficult, considering he was trying out for himself.

"This cat!" the twoleg in charge exclaimed. "His color, his attitude… it's almost as though he was born to play the part of…"

_I'm gonna get the part!_ Firestar thought with excitement.

"…Sandstorm!"

Firestar's dreams were shattered. "What? _Sandstorm?_ You idiot, did you even read the books? Sandstorm is a girl! I'm not! I cannot believe…"

Firestar was carried off the stage, still ranting, but of course the twolegs didn't understand a single word. "It's okay," the head twoleg said. "He's just got a little stage-fright, that's all. There's still plenty of time to work on that before we begin filming. Next!"

Next was Brambleclaw, who was trying out for the part of himself because he didn't realize this movie was only going to cover the first series. He was only out on the stage for half a second before the twoleg said: "Perfect! You have the part!"

"I beg your pardon?" Brambleclaw said, which sounded like "Meow?" to the twolegs.

"Check Tigerstar off of the list," the twoleg told another. "We've found the _perfect_ cat to play Tigerstar!"

Brambleclaw was indignant. "Why does everyone judge me on what my father was like? Everyone takes one look at me and they're like, 'oh, that's Tigerclaw's son'! Why can't you just see me for who I am? I'm not evil like him and I've spent my whole life trying to prove…"

"What is with these cats?" the twoleg muttered. "We'll have to call an animal trainer as soon as possible."

Sandstorm stepped out onto the stage and began to say her practiced lines. "It was a message from Starclan!" she meowed, over-dramatically. "Fire alone will save our clan!"

Brambleclaw watched from off-stage "She's trying out for the part of Spottedleaf?"

"Wow. She must be even more jealous of that than I thought." Firestar replied.

The twoleg already had another crazy idea. "Oh my! How regal… how… wizened!"

_Did he just call me old?_ Sandstorm wondered.

"Regal? Are you sure he's talking about Sandstorm?" Brambleclaw whispered. Firestar jabbed him with his elbow. "Ow!"

"Fetch me some blue hair dye, the kind in a spray can," the twoleg instructed another.

A few minutes later…

The twoleg, now scratched and bandaged all over, studied Sandstorm, who was now a sparkling shade of gray-blue. "Fantastic! Now she can play the role of Bluestar!"

Sandstorm gave them one last glare and stalked away, attempting to lick the dye out of her fur.

When it was all said and done, Lionblaze got the part of Lionheart (they gave him ridiculous fur extensions to give the appearance of a mane), Cloudtail got the part of Spottedleaf (no one was sure how that happened), Graystripe was chosen to play Darkstripe (which he was actually pretty excited about, other than the fact that he didn't get a musical number), Jayfeather would be Scourge (he had no comment when asked to describe how he felt about the situation), and Squirrelflight would be Firestar (to her dismay) Other roles included Berrynose as Cloudtail, Stormfur as Graystripe, and Daisy as Yellowfang, among others.

Overall, no one was happy with their part (with the exception of Graystripe and oddly, Cloudtail). But they all agreed that they would keep the roles they got and do their best, as they were paid a lot of twoleg money (which is really hard for cats to get and is essential for buying twoleg junk) and they were guaranteed all the junkfood they could eat in their trailers.

:::

This was the night they'd all been waiting for… the special preview night of the Warriors Movie, when all the cast members got to see highlights from the film before its release! The warrior cats filed into the theatre, both thrilled and nervous. Graystripe was crying he was so happy.

The theatre went dark and the screen lit up. _Heart of Fire – The Story of Firestar the Great and Magnificent._ "What is the meaning of this?" the twoleg from auditions shrieked.

Everyone looked at Firestar. "Well, I may have made a few last minute changes. Oops."

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhh!" hissed Mousefur. "Shut up and let me watch the movie!"

The movie skipped around different highlight scenes, as this was only a preview, but it was more than enough for the warriors to see what the movie was like. Onscreen, Cloudtail as Spottedleaf and Squirrelflight as Firepaw gazed longingly at each other.

"_I- I love you, Spottedleaf!" Squirrelflight said._

"What the-?" Squirrelflight in the audience said. "That isn't my voice! That sounds like one of the Jonas Brothers or something!"

Firestar was just as shocked. "They did twoleg voice-overs so that twolegs could understand it!"

"_And I you, Firepaw!" Cloudtail said, with Miley Cyrus' voice . "But alas, we cannot be together! For I am a medicine cat and you are a warrior!"_

"That's not the way it happened," Firestar grumbled, and everyone told him to hush.

"_Sometimes there are things more important than the warrior code," Squirrelflight said, giving Cloudtail a lick on the cheek._

There was an awkward moment of silence. Squirrelflight and Cloudtail (in the audience) were hiding their heads in their paws in embarrassment. Lionblaze was just waiting for the ghost of Hollyleaf to seek revenge on Firestar for saying something was more important than the warrior code, which thankfully didn't happen.

The scene changed after a little more Spottedleaf-Firestar conversation. Now Stormfur-as-Graystripe and some she-cat as Silverstream were by the riverside.

"_I love you, Silverstream," Stormfur said._

Stormfur in the audience sat there awkwardly.

"_I love you too, Graystripe," the she-cat said. "But we cannot be together, because we are from different clans!"_

"This seems familiar," Brambleclaw said, rolling his eyes. "What terrible screen writing!" He threw his popcorn at the screen and booed until Firestar ordered him to stop.

_Suddenly Squirrelflight-Fireheart burst out of the forest. "Sometimes there are things more important than the warrior code! But not in this case!"_

All the warrior cats laughed and Firestar would have blushed if his fur weren't already the color of fire.

After that scene ended a little while later, Graystripe appeared on the screen, holding a microphone.

"_Don't stop- believin'! Hold on to that feeeeelin'! Streetlights, people, whoa-whoaaaaaa-ohhh-oh!"_

Graystripe looked over at Firestar, a few seats down from him. "You snuck it into the movie!"

He shrugged. "What are friends for?"

"_A singer in a smoky room, the smell of wine and cheap perfume! For a smile they can share the night, it goes on and on and on and oooonnnn!"_

All the cats in the theatre cheered except for Cloudtail, who just rolled his eyes and said, "Show-off."

"You're still just jealous," Brambleclaw said.

All the twolegs heard was a bunch of cat yowling, rather than Graystripe's gorgeous singing voice, that made them cover their ears.

There was a huge scene jump to the part of the movie where Firestar received his nine lives after that.

"_Firestar," Cloudtail-as-Spottedleaf said, "With this life I give you love. Do not be afraid to love Sandstorm now that I am gone."_

"_Thank you," Squirrelflight-as-Firestar said, "I will never love her as much as I love you."_

"_I know," Cloudtail said._

"So that's what goes on when Starclan gives a leader nine lives," Sandstorm growled, glaring at Firestar.

"No! Honestly, that's not how it happened! They used, uh… poetic license."

"Yeah, sure."

The last two scenes of the highlight reel were Tigerstar's death and the battle between Bloodclan and Lionclan.

"_What's this?" Jayfeather said as Scourge, in a raspy, deep voice. "You come to me empty-pawed? We made an agreement!"_

_Brambleclaw-as-Tigerstar groveled in submission. "I'm sorry! I couldn't find the cat-nip you asked for!" The voice was unmistakably that of Zac Efron._

Brambleclaw in the audience stood up and pumped a paw in the air. "Oh yeah!"

"_You promised me there would be tons of catnip if I helped you take over the forest! You lied to me!"_

"They made Scourge a catnip dealer?" Graystripe whispered to Brambleclaw.

"Yep. They thought it helped the story."

"_You lied to me and now you will pay!" Jayfeather-Scourge swiped a paw at Brambleclaw-Tigerstar, who fell backwards exaggeratedly, bleeding what was obviously ketchup._

"If Tigerstar saw this, there's no telling what he'd do to the director," Cloudtail said.

The battle scene had arrived. Lionclan and Bloodclan stood facing eachother, ready for action.

"_Bring it on!" Jayfeather yowled._

"_For Narnia!" Squirrelflight shouted. She ran straight towards the Bloodclan army, the Lionclan warriors following._

_There was a lot of epic battling, Firestar lost his first life, and Stormfur-as-Graystripe killed Graystripe-as-Darkstripe before the final fight between Firestar and Scourge took place, and Firestar killed Scourge, winning the battle for Lionclan. Storm clouds rolled overhead and it began to rain as the clouds took the form of Bluestar's head. "Remember…" she rumbled. Firestar climbed to the top the rock at Fourtrees and roared._

"Plagiarism!" Cloudtail yelled.

"THE END" appeared on the screen along with some random pop music that had nothing to do with the movie.

"That sucked almost as much as the Eragon movie," Leafpool said.

"Ditto," Sandstorm said.

All the warrior cats complained about how horrible the movie was and laughed at its stupidity on their way out. As they were about to exit the theatre, the twoleg movie director approached Firestar with a question: "So, when can you start on the sequel?"

The response was anonymous as the whole clan shouted: "NEVER!"

The End


End file.
